New (Now) Year's Reflections on Service

I should really be correcting tests that I have put off correcting all break. Instead, I thought I would share some thoughts... i.e. procrastinate some more.

This is my first Gregorian New Year away from family and friends since last year I was (un)fortunately with my family. But really, am I away from friends? I've been lucky to have formed a few good friendships with HCNs (with whom I celebrated) and non-HCNs alike.

Things have been tough, and as usual, I have been delinquent in updating. Though I've been trying to make up for it by posting lots (lots is a relative term considering the connection and my lack of picture-taking prowress) of pictures. I definitely had some emotionally tough times this past term. As my service starts to wind down, I have to ask myself... what have I really done? Who have I really inspired? I guess I suffer from the degradation of society's ability to be patient because I want to know if what am I doing is having a positive effect and I want to know now.

There's a sort of hazy lost generation between 1975 - 1984 that I would like to call the "TGIF generation". Yes, there are lots of other names out there for that time period, but let me justify. We were the generation that grew up watching TGIF and absorbed those familiy values and catchy theme songs and 90210 was less shock and more family-oriented. It was a time before cell phones in every middle school students backpack. It was a time when the Internet was still text only, graphic bullet points were all the rage, and page-loading took minutes... not fractions of seconds. It was a time when we needed time to find the answers, and part of the process of growing up was the search.

All of us kids falling under this lost generation watched technology grow by leaps and bounds, but the first technology that really educated us was the television. I would like to propose that our generation was well-educated on family values, service, patience, and trying to cooperate and get along with others despite race, religion, ethnicity, etc. (even though many of us wanted to hide it because it was "uncool"). It is why those of us who were just shy of voting against you-know-who the first time around were outraged (especially when that whole war talk started, despite the 9/11 business) and those of us who weren't were outraged even more so. It's why when I look at my group of friends I don't see color, I just see friends. It is why we worked so hard to get where we are today, and look around disgusted at the world today.

Why did we work so hard in the first place? What was the point?

In the course of four years, TV went from TGIF to teenage dramedy. Now, with shock TV (and I don't mean Jerry Springer) as the basic diet of children growing up plus the Internet full of YouTube and other powerful share-all sites. Reality has blurred. Values are no longer valued. Friends are no longer your friends. Growing up is hard. Do we really need a world where the only safe people are maybe your parents, and even then, what teenager doesn't have that occasional power/growing-up struggle with their parents? A place where everything is Now?

Now is a dangerous place. It is no longer a future waiting to happen, and a past waiting for consequences. Now is Now. It's too late now for society, we can only cope with the immediateness of Now. People want everything now: money, information, service, friendship. At what cost? Credit only runs so deep. Truth is a matter of perception and corroboration of facts. Automation can only go so far. Trust can only ripen with time.

It's why things that take patience and time have become even less popular: science, research and development (from social skills to relationships to newer and better things and ideas). It's why we have pro athletes who skip college for the big leagues. It's why we have fast-track programs to high-paying careers and even fewer teachers in the public school systems.

Now is the time of forgive, but not really forget. But would there be something to forgive, if we had just used a little patience?

Don't you remember a time when you were young and you really wanted that cookie/toy/cartoon? And your parents told you, "Not now, honey." The victory was so much sweeter when you finally got what you wanted. Anticipation and patience, they made it all worthwhile. That doesn't happen Now.

Teaching and Peace Corps are the anti-thesis of Now. The developing world is catching up with the concept, but it hasn't infiltrated to the very core of it yet. After all, much of it is still unpowered, and hence, unconnected. However, as someone who started to feel the effects of the Now generation tainting my very existence when I left college and entered the working world, I can say that I suffer from wanting to know now if my work was worth it. Teachers who work so hard and see that their students don't have the ability to read and critically think like students of generations past. Why work hard? What is the point?

Dear friends, family and most importantly strangers who have suffered this long through my hypothesized TGIF and Now generations rambling. Thank you. I want to say that it is worth it, but I can't tell you the why right now. Even if you and I won't see the effects right away of the little things that we do because we really should (and not because someone else tells us we should). Don't let Now control you. Yes, I realize this takes critical thinking skills on your part to make the tough decisions and sacrifices.

If you all let the world fall to pieces while I'm outside of the Now, I'm going to be very disappointed. After all, what is the future of programs like the Peace Corps and the world in general if there are not enough people who are capable of waiting?

The president elect has a lot of work on his hands to transform a society of Now to a society of (k)Now. I hope the world realizes that if he moves at the speed of Now, the world might go to pieces even despite the best of intentions. Change can't happen fast. The world is a place that needs to be gently molded, otherwise it springs back into its original form, or worse yet, it collapses. Here's hoping for a speedy but not hasty transformation from Now to (k)Now - a generation that treats the information it has Now responsibly.

Happy new year!

Happy new year everyone! Photos have been uploaded for my New Year's shindig in village. I spent both Christmas and New Year's in village, with a brief visit to my new neighbor Annette in between. She has a real nice set-up down the street... and 45 km is not a bad bike ride.

As we like to say around here... Bonne annee! Prosperite! Sante! Bonheur! Paix! Moins de problemes! Beaucoup d'argent!

In Ouaga for another day or so... and then disappearing back into village for a while...

Hugs!

Love, AK

Alive & Happy Holidays

Hi All,

I wanted to let you know I am alive and healthy as can be for BF. I spent the last three months in village (one short internet-less trip to Yako right after the last time I was online at the end of September/beginning of October)! I only went to Toma three times during that whole period: once to pick-up my absentee ballot to cast my vote for my presidential and local candidates of choice; once to eat some chicken and drink some cold drinks with my colleagues; and once to see my directeur decorated for his many years of service.

Why so much time in village this year? I am teaching twice as much as last year and CLM is no longer my neighbor. Plus, Bryan (my formerly second closest neighbor, current closest neighbor and soon-to-be second closest neighbor again) and Garrett came up for Thanksgiving and we had tasty green beans and of course, turkey, stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, candied yams and cranberry sauce (almost all of which is thanks to ex-neighbor CLM). Though, at the end of this week, I will be getting a new neighbor about 45 km from me! Exciting since it is bikable and there is daily transport that passes through our villages (if I get lazy and feel spendy).

Also, my APCD passed through and dropped off packages and mail which was exciting. Followed by a visit from my CD who just wanted to say hi. Will post pics that he took eventually.

I will be contactable for the next day or so, as I head back to village to celebrate Christmas/New Year's/my new neighbor, but I plan on coming back for a day in the beginning of January.

Hope all is well.

Best, AK

40 km and Caterpillars, Oh My!

Dear World,

Warning: WHINING

My physical address has not changed. I usually receive your letters eventually (two weeks to a month). However, please don't send me anymore e-mails telling me that it is expensive to write me a letter. I am sorry if this sounds rude, but it is frustrating. To use the internet it costs me about an eigth of my daily salary for an hour. On top of that, the connection is so slow that I usually have to pay for at least two or three hours to get anything done and the keyboard is usually sticky. For example, this morning I have been trying to download a file that is 500 KB (a Word document). I have been connected for an hour and a half and the download has failed so many times that I have lost count! I am sure it does not cost you an eigth of your daily salary to send me a letter. I can never get as much done as I hoped.

Now, in addition to all that, I have to bike 40-45 km to get to the internet, and worse yet, 40-45 km to get back. The place 15 km from me is broken as usual. This bike ride takes somewhere between 1.5-2.5 hours depending on weather. AND, since I live on the edge of three provinces, there's no cars/trucks that actually go from my village towards the nearest source of internet. I biked for two hours this morning and didn't see any trucks try to run me over. Are there any alternatives? I can spend my entire day's salary to pay for transport to get to Yako, where there is a connection that is only slightly better. The other alternative is to go to Ouaga and stay the night. There I don't have to pay for internet, but I do have to pay to stay some place.

At all of these locations that are not anywhere close to my kitchen, I have to pay for food. The cost of which gets significantly higher the closer I get to a good internet connection. Fortunately, I need less of it as I get further away since I am not biking a ridiculous amount.

Please, no more e-mails telling me that it is expensive to write me a letter. I am sure it does not cost as much for you physically or financially as it does for me.

END OF WHINING

In other news, I meant to post stuff the last time I was in Ouaga, but I was working on my 42 page EPS (gym) document that rocks. Ex-Neighbor can attest to it since she saw a copy!

I am very sad that a lot of my favorite primary school teachers are leaving for bigger brighter villages. Some of them came by to pick stuff up, so I got to say good-bye to them. The school year starts this week, which means that classes really get going next week. I will try to get online next weekend, too, because I have been meaning to visit my second closest neighbor Marty. However, after that I plan on disappearing into the bush as usual, emerging occasionally only to get tests printed for my students.

By the way, I ate caterpillars (chenilles). I wanted to upload pictures but the internet hates me.

Cheesy Tastes Good

Hello world. So, I did not get much accomplished in the way of work while on vacation---as expected by everyone, especially ex-neighbor. It's okay, I have a little bit of time left to get some lesson and project planning done before the school year gets rolling. I've been working hard to finish up a guide to teaching gym, in French, with little resources, and possibly a lack of background in physical education. With dedication (i.e. not sleeping all day long due to jet lag and extreme rain), this should be finished around sometime mid-next week.

I got back to village on Sunday. My house of course was dusty (and still smells dusty), but not too dirty overall (by my standards, which means by most PCV standards it was practically spic and span). Amazingly enough, my courtyard is a jungle, again! There are cucumbers, green beans, squash, millet and all sorts of other crazy things growing. Will post pictures later (as usual). Thursday night/Friday morning it rained so hard that my roof started leaking and I thought I would go deaf. I can't find the hole though, so maybe the wind lifted the roof just enough to let the pouring rain inside. This year, though the rains started late, it has been raining almost every other day, which is wonderful! The crops are actually tall and fruit-laden. Funny because up until August, I swore that the clouds parted at my village and went around it before reforming to rain on the next village.

I haven't been doing a whole lot in village outside of reading and sleeping and working on lesson plans. The whole jet lag and not sleeping because of lights everywhere thing for a month has really taken a toll on my body, and it really just appreciated being able to do nothing for the past week. Unfortunately, most of my reading has been disappointingly disturbing, confusing, boring or all three at the same time. That's why I like to come back to this little passage on love by Katharine Hepburn in her autobiography ME:

...what "I love you" really means. It means I put you and your interests and your comfort ahead of my own interests and my own comfort because I love you.

What does this mean?

I love you. What does this mean?

Think.

We use this expression very carelessly.

LOVE has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get---only with what you are expecting to give---which is everything.

What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and you cannot help giving. If you are very lucky, you may be loved back. That is delicious but it does not necessarily happen.

It really implies total devotion. And total is all-encompassing---the good of you, the bad of you. I am aware that I must include the bad.

---This gave me great pleasure, the thought that this was pleasing him.

...There is an enormous difference between love and like. Usually, we use the word "love" when we really mean like. I think that very few people ever mean love. I think that like is a much easier relationship. It is based on sense. A blind spot---love.

When I think about this, I realize that I'm very lucky. Most of my relationships (families, friendships, etc.) aren't based on sense. If sense prevailed, I probably would have given up completely on most of my relationships a long time ago. In fact, many of you probably would have given up on me, considering my less attractive qualities (being human and all). So, I just wanted you all to know that when I am feeling lonely and just want to hear from someone (because ex-neighbor ditched me and all!), I remember your love. We might not be able to hear or see each other often, but you're there with me, just like I'm there with you.

Cheesy feel good aside. No, I'm not posting to you live from village. I really wish that I could! I biked in 40 km to hang out with my neighbor PCVs, get groceries, and get some internet time. I plan on heading back home this afternoon, after getting rehydrated and fed. The sad thing is, this won't be the most I have biked in a day. Don't worry, I will try to be more contactable this year (ha! I've said that before), or at least in a week and a few days, I will be online again in Ouaga. Courtney is COS'ing, and as sad as I am to see him go, I will be glad to celebrate him going. Besides seeing him off... sort of, I have the usual paperwork stuff that I want to get done. Unfortunately this is paid internet on a sticky keyboard; I will try to respond to emails in a week or so.